It's only 25 miles out....and the boat ride is only 2 hours..............

Greetings and Salutations! It has now been 4 months and 15 days since my last post! I love the speed and efficiency of this Internet thing!! Since my last post not much has happened really. I mean it's not like we elected a raging Radical Socialist to the presidency or something like that!! That would be CRAZY!!!!

So anyway.....I was inspired for today's ASOD by last Monday's trip Offshore for Exxon Mobile to the Galveston 209 Rig. My pilgrimage began @ 9:05 am from Pelican Island, Galveston. I boarded the Seacor Master and was told it would ONLY take 2 hours to go 25 miles. 2 hours....hell I can handle that! After all...I had been on 2 7-Day cruises right? I watch alot of Deadliest Catch! I GOT THIS, I G O T THIS!!! Well.....the sea was angry that day my friends,(a kudos for anyone who can tell me what that line is from)! 7-9 foot seas with 12 foot swells. Basically Hurricane type weather(at least that is what I am sticking with!) For the first 35 to 40 minutes I was fine. Walked around the stern of the boat for a while..went up to the bow, then they told me I could go sit in the Wheelhouse if I wanted. Sure, I am an old Sea Dog at this point! About 45 minutes into it and after about the 2000th wave that hit this 150ft boat...I started turning green and asked where the 'Head' was. So I went downstairs. Here is where the fun began..for the next 3 hours and 15minutes of this supposed 2 hour boat ride I spent my time gently caressing the sink of the bathroom. When I wasn't clinging to the sink like a 2 year old grasping his Mommy in a haunted house, I was clinging to life in the lounge sitting in a booth with a trash can between my legs!

At 10:15 I managed the strength to wrestle my phone out of my jeans pocket and noticed the time..OK only 45 more minutes...I can do this!!! I AM A MAN DAMMIT!! I was sweating like Obama at a Mensa meeting! I am glad I did not eat breakfast that morning..would have been a total waste of money! I kept thinking..there is nothing left in my stomach....where the hell is this stuff coming from? Oh look....a Cheesy Poof! I saw colors coming out of my body that I don't even think Dali would have used in his paintings! I managed another look at my phone about 12:45 and we were still bouncing. By the grace of God we arrived at the platform approximately 1:15ish.....I was told to QUICKLY gather my crap and put on my life preserver. We were herded out onto the deck which was full of about 1 ft of cold seawater and it was pouring down rain. We made our way to the Rescue Basket...YES....RESCUE Basket! We were told to throw our stuff in the center so I did..then I climbed in on top of my stuff. The Crane Operator VERY loudly and sternly advised me to remove myself from the basket and to step onto the outside ring of the basket with one foot and leave the other on the boat deck. WTF? Really? Next thing I know we are roughly 100ft. above the Gulf Of Mexico swinging and swaying away!

We get dumped onto the platform of the rig and escorted into the lounge. I was told to eat some crackers and drink some 7-Up. Riiiiiiiiiiight........that wasn't gonna happen! So here I am..queasy, stomach still feels like I am on the Never ending Zipper ride soaked to the bone and shivering. What a MAN I am! DAMN this is fun! It took about 1 hour for me to acclimate and start feeling better. All the while dreading the boat ride back! This turned out t be no problem at all though as I was given Dramamine and told to focus on a stationary target in the horizon. SHIT I COULD HAVE USED 9 HOURS AGO!!!! Lesson learned. I am not going Deep Sea Fishing anytime soon and next time I need to go to Galveston 209...I think I'll take the Chopper!!

Enjoy today's song!!!!!

SEA CRUISE

by Frankie Ford

Old man rhythm is in my shoes

No use t'sittin' and a'singin' the blues

So be my guest, you got nothin' to lose

Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise?

Oo-ee, oo-ee baby

Oo-ee, oo-ee baby

Oo-ee, oo-ee baby

Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise?

Feel like jumpin' baby won't ya join me please

I don't like beggin' but I'm on bended knee

I got to get t'rockin get my hat off the rack

I got to boogie woogie like a knife in the back

So be my guest, you got nothin' to lose

Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise?

Oo-ee, oo-ee baby

Oo-ee, oo-ee baby

Oo-ee, oo-ee baby

Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise?

I got to get t'movin' baby I ain't lyin'

My heart is beatin' rhythm and it's right on time

So be my guest, you got nothin' to lose

Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise?

Oo-ee, oo-ee baby

Oo-ee, oo-ee baby

Oo-ee, oo-ee baby

Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise?

Feel like jumpin' baby won't ya join me please

I don't like beggin' but I'm on bended knee

Oo-ee, oo-ee baby

Oo-ee, oo-ee baby

Oo-ee, oo-ee baby

Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise?

Happy whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.....I'M DONE----I'M DONE!!!

Greetings! Today is July the 2nd 2008! Hau`oli la hanau to Senorita Dugan!! Or Happy Birthday to Jenny Dugan!! I do not think Starbucks could have picked a worse day to annouce they are closing 600 stores nationwide! They must have done it to piss J-Dug off! Let's just hope for all of our sakes that the price of cereal does not rise like the price of gas of we're all @%#$ED!!!

I know it's almost the 3rd already, but it would have been hard to blog while driving to the thriving Texas Metropolis of Waxahachie! Kinda reminds of of the Laffy Taffy song...."Shake that Waxahachie, that Waxahachie, girl shake that Waxahachie"! NO that is not the song for today. It should be, but today is The Dugan B-day so I have another song in mind! Even though I have been singing Honky-Tonk Badonkadonk since about 2 pm!! I just can't do Trace like that. I am not the suck ass Backstreet Boys! Go find me some black nail polish bitch!! I have done the NOT So Annoying Song of the Day before, but usually for Elvis days. Birth and Death! So in honor of Jenny's B-day our not so annoying song for today will be "Don't you, forget about me"! from Simple Minds off the Breakfast Club Soundtrack! FIST RAISES!!!!! I am now going to attempt to see how many quotes I can pull out of my arse from Breakfast Club.....sans Google! Here we go:

"Could you describe the nature of the ruckus sir?"
"Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?"
"Don't mess with the bull Mr., you'll get the horns!"
"EAT....MY...SHORTS!"
"No Dad..FUCK YOU!"
""Next time I have to come in here, I'm cracking skulls!"
Ok..I had to Google this final one:
Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you're crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out, is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basketcase, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club.

and as one of the surfer chicks in Blue Crush said....."THAT'S MY BITCH"!

Don't You(Forget About Me)

by: Simple Minds

Hey, hey, hey ,

heyOhhh...
Won't you come see about me?

I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby
Tell me your troubles and doubts

Giving me everything inside and out and

Love's strange so real in the dark

Think of the tender things that we were working on
Slow change may pull us apart

When the light gets into your heart, baby
Don't You Forget About Me

Don't Don't Don't Don'tDon't You Forget About Me
Will you stand above me?

Look my way, never love me

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling

Down, down, down
Will you recognise me?

Call my name or walk on by

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling

Down, down, down, down
Hey, hey, hey,

heyOhhhh.....
Don't you try to pretend

It's my feeling we'll win in the end

I won't harm you or touch your defenses

Vanity and security
Don't you forget about me

I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby

Going to take you apart

I'll put us back together at heart, baby
Don't You Forget About Me

Don't Don't Don't Don't

Don't You Forget About Me
As you walk on by

Will you call my name?

As you walk on by

Will you call my name?

When you walk away
Or will you walk away?

Will you walk on by?

Come on - call my name

Will you all my name?
I say :La la la...

Chicks who Dip, TMZ & New Edition!

Greetings Non-Posters! Let me start by stating the obvious, the inspiration for the first part of my upcoming rant came from the Rope-A-Hoe. Come on man!! If you have not been to the Rope-a-Hoe, I highly suggest you check it out. If for nothing else than the people watching entertainment! So Mrs. ASOD and I were out there a few weeks ago and as usual a gaggle of skanks commenced to shake their moneymakers directly in front of where we were sitting. San Miguel this is roughly where you threw the basketball from that hit me square in the face in 1998.....HOE! There were 4 of them not bad looking not totally hot either. However, there was one who was a little squatty, maybe 5'3" long blonde hair, kinda good looking, they were all dancing and having a good time....yada, yada, yada. 45 minutes later they come back and lo and behold...squatty blonde has got a wad of dip or chew in her mouth the size of a 50-cent piece! She looked like George Brett arguing with that ump about his pine-tar bat! Ok, I know I live in TX, and it's bad enough when dudes dip, but a chick??? WTF? Oh yeah baby..nothing I'd like better than to shove my tongue in there! The scariest part.....she did not have her spit cup with her? Was she swallowing it? Freaking N-A-S-T-Y!!! Ok, I take it back, I would have spewed on the spot had she actually been carrying a spit-cup! "I'm a Redneck woman, I ain't no high class broad"! No truer words have even been spoken!

Now on to TMZ.COM. I was directed to TMZ today to check out a photo of Matt Damon who has recently put on a few pounds for a movie. The Headline: "The Legend of Bigger Vance"! he looks like maybe he put on a 35 spot...maybe 40, and they were ridiculing him as if he was the Boston version of FAT BASTARD! Dude put on 40lbs and is STILL skinnier than me! so I guess that means FAT BASTARD can "GET IN MY BELLY!" Really Hollywood? People pay money for this crap? People actually CARE about this crap? Hey I know gas is down to a mere $4.05/gallon and a cyclone probably just killed like 50,000 people in India, but I am damn glad TMZ is on top of Matt Damon's weight gain! The next alleged "story: had a picture of Matt Lauer from the Today show. Well 2 pics actually. 1 from 2006 and one from 2008. He is wearing the same swimsuit. THE HORROR!!!! God forbid someone actually takes care of something and get's their money's worth out of it! What a freaking LOSER he is for having the nerve to wear the same swimsuit twice!! Low-Life BASTARD!! Who gives a Rat's hairy ass-crack? Good thing there are no Papparazzi on the PartyLite trips...I have had the same 2 since 2005!

Ok--I know more than 4 of you have lists of celebs you'd like to bang..so where the hell are they?? I like the way Jamie and Mel ar thinking:), and Cochina...I am still waiting for your list!!!

Today's Annoying Song is from an Old School 80's Thug-Rap band...New Edition!! Hahahahahaha. yeah they are so thug that when my 14 year old daughter heard this song and I told her who it was...she said, "Those are dudes"? So Enjoy..COOL IT NOW!!!!

Everybody's saying silly things
Without knowing that life brings a change
And I've been checking all the signs
My friends say I'm love sick cause I...
All I keep thinking about is her in my arms
(Got to see what love is all about)
And I won't be the same until she is mine
And my friends keep telling me to Cool It Now
You got to cool it now Ooooooh watch out
You're gonna loose control Cool it now
You got to slow it down Slow it down...
You're gonna fall in love
Everyday I walk her home from school
And she tells me how she really feels
And there's no doubt in my mind
That this girl is one of a kind
Cause all I keep thinking about is her in my arms
(Got to see what love is about)
And I won't feel the same until she is mine
But my friends keep telling me toCool It Now
You got to cool it now Ooooooh watch out
You're gonna lose control Cool it now
You better slow it down Slow it down...
You're gonna fall in loveCool it now
You got to cool it nowOoooooh watch out
You're gonna lose controlCool it now
You got to slow it down Slow it down...
You're gonna fall in love
All I keep thinking about is her in my arms
(Got to see what love is all about)
And I'll never be the same until you are mine
And my friends keep telling me..
When ya got a girl who takes her time
You must slow the pace you can't mess with her mind
If she feels the same she'll letcha know
Just prepare yourself or be ready to go
And I hope this message stays in your mind
Cause you almost lost a girl who is right on time
There's one more thing that ya got to know
Just cool it down and stay in control Cool It Now
You got to cool it now Ooooooh watch out
You're gonna lose control Cool it now
You got to slow it down Slow it down...
You're gonna fall in love baby
All I keep thinking about is her in my arms
(Got to see what love is all about)
And I'll never be the same until you are mine, oh
Listen to me let me tell you
Why you all coming down on me
Tryin to tell me how my life is supposed to be
I know you're only trying to help me out
Tryin to show me what life is really about
But this time I'm gonna make it on my own
So why dontcha fellaz just leave me alone
Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike
If I like the girl who cares who you like
Cool It NowOoooooh watch out, out, out, out
Cool It NowSlow it down, down, down, down
Cool It NowOoooooh watch out, out, out, out
Cool It NowSlow it down, down, down, down
Cool it now Ooooooh watch out
Cause you're gonna lose control
Cool it now You got to slow it down
Slow it down...You're gonna fall in love
Cool it nowSlow it down
You're gonna lose control
Cool it nowYou got to slow it down
Slow it down...'Cause you're gonna fall in love
Cool it now Slow it down
'Cause you're gonna lose control
Cool it nowYou got to slow it down
Slow it down...Cool it now
Oooooh watch out
Cool it now
Slow it down.

You wanna whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Greetings and Salutations! I know, it's been almost a month and a half since my last post, but I figured no one was commenting anyway so WTF! It has been a few weeks since our totally sweet trip to Miami and the cruise! We spent 2 and a half days at the Doral Golf Club and Spa in Miami Beach, ate dinner at Emeril's Restaurant with a multi-multi-multi millionaire, then spent the following 7 days cruising to Nassau, Grand Cayman & Cozumel on the Carnival Liberty! Spent time with some of our best friends, The Dugans....you wanna suck whaaaaaaaaat? and The Newmans, well one of the Newmans! Kristi the Munchkin! Met some cool new friends like Georgina from the 515!! HOLLA!!Or as Mel and I like to call her now...Georgina cochina!!! If you could only see the pics is all I'm saying!! Suffice it to say..Good Times..Good Times!

So I am going to try something a little diferent today! Maybe this will illicit some responses from you LAZY ASSES! Today..for the first time ever I am NOT going to list an Annoying Song, but rather I am going to ask for your input. During our Anniversary Dinner on Thursday night with the Christmas', the topic of laminated lists came up. I am sure all of you know the concept of the laminated list, but if you don't, let me briefly explain! Everyone is allowed a list of 5 Celebs to keep in their wallet/purse. If the opportunity should ever arise to meet one of these Celebs and more importantly the opportunity to actually BANG them, it's like a get out of jail free card! Your spouse can't say or do anything about it! I know, not typical anniversary dinner talk, but you have to know Kris..I'm just saying! So...without further adieu, here is my Top 5 List! In order or hottness:
1: Kate Beckinsale-Underworld-Black Leather:)
2: Jessica Biel-OH YEAH!
3: Sara Evans-Country Singer-Total Hottie
4: Salma Hayek-Need I say more?
5: Donna Mills-My token Cougar of the bunch!

Please feel free to post your own lists and I don't wanna hear any of this I could not logon CRAP!Just GIT-R- DONE!!!

P.S. Saw another group of supposed "Cowboys" recently with Pink Puffy Shirts and BIG ASS Cubic Zirconia Encrusted Western Fashion Belts! With HUGE Belt Buckles! GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAAAAAAAAAAAAY! and YES...there is something wrong with that!

Another observation....how big of a D-Bag do you have to be to wear a hat with a Fish Hook on the bill???? Just asking;)

--LOC OUT--

Pony Play, NIOSA & more Jotos wearing Joto belts.....

Viva Fiesta!!! Ok, I promised that I woould go into my explanation of "PONY PLAY" on my next ASOD. 2 weeks ago whilst I was in Longview, TX I was watching some crap on HBO when I decided to go out and get some dinner. Went to a KFC/Taco Bell combo. first of all..who the hell decided that was a good idea? chicken AND Mexican food in one stop...let me just tap a vein right here in my truck and you can pump the Bio-Diesel straight into my heart! F-Me man!! So of course, they F you at the drive thru. Took 35 minutes to get my order and NONE of it was right! Bastardos! how can you mistake MOUNTAIN DEW for WATER. Bunch of Mensas working that night I guess. So I make my way back to the good ol' Wingate Inn, about 10 p.m. by now. What do you think greets me when I get back to the room??? Real Sex #4,593 and chicks AND dudes dressed up as horses! the segment was called PONY PLAY. WTF? People actually like to dress up as horses and be riden and whipped!! But it really is much sicker than I just described. The first scene I was lucky enough to see was a pretty good looking chick, wearing a real saddle with a chrome horse bit in her mouth! She was bent over a hitching post while another relatively..well Bowling Alley hot chick was freaking HORSE SHOEING HER! Yes..you hear me right...she was getting horse-shoed! She had these buckle on HORSE Hooves she wore and they were nailing horse shoes onto them! Holy horse shit BATMAN! REALLY? Are you that bored with getting laid that you need to pretend to be a horse? Come on...what ever happened to good old-fashioned whips and chains and good old auto-eroticism? I mean what has the world come to when tying one end of a rope to your Caribou III Multi Gym and the other end to your neck and whacking off until you almost pass out not good enough? You need to eat hay and prance around a barnyard while some dude twice your size rides you then when he is done brushes your ass with a horse brush? WOW-I likes me some horses, but not enough to want to pretend to bang one! SWEET JESUS hand-raises already!!!!

Last night at NIOSA I saw the best freaking shirt ever on a lady at the Irish Flats beer booth. It read, "Puro Pinche Party!" I am getting one to wear on the cruise along with my ROCK OUT WITH YOUR GUAC OUT shirt! I am gonna tell my non-spanish speaking white friends on the ship it means, "I LOVE PARTYLITE!" Mel...you thought CHINGADARIE was bad!!!!! hahahahaha. After NIOSA ended at 10:30 we took our Park-N-Ride asses out to the Rope-A-Ho for a few cocktails. not only did I see a big burly cowboy type "man" wearing a "Western Fashion Belt", it was Pink, Teal and Yellow! I think Rojo Menso must have one of those:) Last night was Week #4 of the Bikini Contest..and to be fair..I will have to dedicate an entire ASOD to it....maybe on Monday;)

Here is something that pisses me off.....how come I can stay at the $75 dollar a night Drury Inn and have my wireless internet free like a MOFO, but at the $250 dollar a night Hilton Hotel De Americas in Houston it is $10/day? Really Hilton- you need to A-Rape me like that for Internet? Just tell me my room will be $260/night and lump it all together ass monkeys!

VAMOS SPURS VAMOS!!

Today's song comes from URSHER or USHER however the hell you say it! Dude.....just come out and say what you really want bro! Don't beat around the bush already!!! Line of the song- I'm Gonna Bag you like some Groceries! Mama must be proud of you!! ENJOY!

Let's Make Love In this Club

by: USHER

(Usher talking) I do it for the ladies

I gotta keep it hood

Where we at Polo? ('EY)

I see you right

Yo Keith You was right

We just gettin started YEAHHHHHH MAN
(Usher) You say you searching for somebody

That'll take you out and do you right

Well come here baby and let daddy show you what it feel like

You know all you gotta do is tell me what you sippin' on (sippin on sippin on) (ey)

And I promise that I’m gonna keep it comin’ all night long
(hook) Lookin’ in your eyes while you on the other side

And I think shorty I’ve got a thing for you Doin’ it on purpose

Windin and workin’ it I can tell by the way you lookin’ at me girl
(chorus) I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)

I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
(Usher) (Listen) Got some friends rollin’ wit you baby then thats cool (thats cool, thats cool)

You can leave em wit my niggaz let em know that I got you (got u, got u)

If you didn’t know, you’re the only thing that’s on my mind (my mind, my mind)

Cos the way you staring miss you got me wantin to give it to you all night
(hook) Lookin’ in your eyes while you on the other side

I cant take it no more baby im comin for you

You keep doin’ it on purpose whindin and workin’ it

If we close our eyes it could be just me and you
(chorus) I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)

I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)

I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)

I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)
(Young Jeezy talking) POLO YOU A FOOL FOR THIS ONE HOMIE IM ON EM, YEAHHHH LETS GO!!
(Young Jeezy) I’m what you want, I’m what you need He got you trapped,

I’ll set you free Sexually, mentally, physically, emotionally

I’ll be like your medicine, you’ll take every dose of me

It’s going down on isle 3. I’ll bag you like some groceries

And every time you think about it you gon’ want some more of me

Bout to hit the club, make a movie yeah rated R

Pulled up like a trap star, thats if you had (in the car)

Have you ever made love to a thug in the club with his sights on?

87 Jeans and a fresh pair of Nikes on

On the couch, on the table, on the bar, or on the floor

You can meet me in the bathroom yeah you know I’m tryna go
(usher) Might as well give me a kiss,

if we keep touchin like this i know you scared baby,

They dont know what we doin

Lets both get undressed right here,

keep it up girl i swear, imma give it to you non stop and i dont care, who's watchin...watchin...watchin

(watchin watchin...ohhhh...in this club, on the floor, baby's just makin love)
(chorus) I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)

I wanna make love in this club 'ey (in this club 'ey in this club 'ey)

(lovin in...lovin in this club. 'eyyy...yea...ey..ey..

love...in the club..in the club, ur the one, can u freak me babe?)
(ey) X7 (usher) in the back, on the side, in the front. ya ya ya ya

Tradio, Pony Play & Rojo Menso=Mas Joto!

So I don't hear from Rojo Menso for almost a year, and the first thing he replies with is: Blogs are Ghey? Not that there's anything wrong with that! Only cause you are Rojo Menso, that entitles you to 1 free pass. You just used it HO!! Hahahaha..hey at least Brysch is actually commenting! Is anyboy reading this crap anymore????? If Virginia is for Lovers Carl.....then what is West Virgina for..........?

So last week on my pilgramage to Longview, on HWY 16 I drove though a small town called Cherokee, just North of Llano. With my super-sweet AM/FM no CD Radio I was scanning stations on the FM side when I came across what is usually a country station. Except between the hours of 10 a.m. and 12 p.m. that is when the MAGIC happens, that is when TRADIO is on the air!!! Yes, it is jsut what it sounds like. Hill-Billies have now found a place to hold their Yard/Garage/"Estate" sales on the radio! This is what I hear when it get's tuned in, "Let's go to # 43, Earl from Llano"! "Yes Roscoe I have 1987 LaSabre that I am parting out, about 6 24" x 10' galvanized Drainage Culverts, and I am still trying to get rid of my 1996 Dale Earnhardt Comemerative Pen Set"! SWEET! This was like E-Bay....only not so much. I like to call it...HEE-Bay! A Sr. Comemerative Pen Set? Come on dude....everyone knows that Richard Petty is the Shizz and the only one worthy of a comemerative pen set! Well..not really, but who hell wants that you ask? Glad you did, cause Thelma Ray from Commanche said it would complete her set! She just found the missing plate on Tradio 2 weeks ago to her Elvis Pressley Plate Collection! Oh man, the joys of the CD-less, i-Pod Less radio, errrrr TRADIO experience! Damnit Jim..I could not even pick up any Jim Rome...WTF?

Carl-Rojo Menso- Brysch is ghey, gay, Joto, Puto, todos los dias!!!! Not that there is anything wrong with that!

Today's song is a pretty cool song, but I heard it this morning and have not been able to get the damn chorus out of my head ALL FREAKING DAY!!!! Oh yeah, I will cover Pony Play tommorow, if I can keep from throwing up in my mouth! ENJOY! I did not feel like formatting the lyrics....sorry! Adds to the Annoyance I think!

No Air!

by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown

Tell me how I'm suppose to breathe with no air [oohhhh] [ Jordin S.] If I Should die Before I wake, Its cause You took My breath Away. Losing you is like living in a world with no air Ohhh... [ Chris B.] I'm here, Alone, Didn't want To leave. My heart won't move, It's incomplete. Wish there Was a way That I can make you to understand, (Pre-Chorus) But How, Do you expect me, To live alone with just me? 'Cause my world revolves around you, Its so hard for me to breathe. (Chorus) Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air. Can't live, can't breathe with no air. That's how I feel when I know you ain't there. There's No Air No Air. Got me out here in the water so deep. Tell me how you gon' be without me. If you ain't here, I just can't breathe. Its No Air No Air. No air air (ohhhh) No air air (noooo) No air air (ohhhh) No air air [ Chris B.] I Walked, I Ran, I Jumped, I Flew, Right off the ground, To float to you. There's no gravity, To hold me down, For real. [Jordin S.] But Somehow I'm still alive inside. You took my breath, But I survived. I don't know how, But I don't even care. (Pre-Chorus) So How, Do you expect me, To live alone with just me? 'Cause my world revolves around you, Its so hard for me to breathe. ( Chorus) Tell Me How I'm supposed to breathe with no air. Can't live can't breathe with no air. That's how I feel when I know you ain't there. Its No Air No Air. Got me out here in the water so deep. Tell me how you gon' be without me. If you ain't here, I just can't breathe There's No Air No Air No air air (ohhhh) No air air (ohhhh) No air air (ohhhh) No air air uhh uhh uhh No Air (ohhh) uhh uhh uhh No Air (ohhh) uhh uhh uhh Its No Air No Air Heyyy.. Oooooo.. No Aiiiiiir Oooooo.. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (Chorus) Tell Me How I'm supposed to breathe with no air. Can't live can't breathe with no air. That's how I feel when I know you ain't there. There's No Air No Air. Got me out here in the water so deep. Tell me how you gon' be without me. If you ain't here I just can't breathe. There's No Air No Air. Do you expect me, To live alone with just me? 'Cause my world revolves around you, I'ts so hard for me to breathe. (Chorus) Tell Me How I'm supposed to breathe with no air. Can't live can't breathe with no air. That's how I feel when I know you ain't there. It's No Air No Air. [ Jordin S.] Got me out here in the water so deep. [ Chris B.] Tell me how you gon' be without me. [ Jordin S.] If you ain't here, I just can't breathe. [Both] There's No Air No Air No air air (ohh) No air air (ohh) No air air (No air)

F-R-E-E that spells free........

Mas Better! I am still pissed at the BSB's and I hope they are all arrested for Tax Evasion, sent to Rikers Island for 5-10 and become the Arayan Brotherhood's bitches a-la Beecher from OZ. I'm not bitter, I am letting it go. In spite of feable attempts by FOM's (Friends of Mark) to remind me of the mindless tripe that is BSB!

Today I would like to rant about the tip line on your credit/debit card receipts. Not so much that it is there, but the fact that is is there at places like Dairy Queen. Nothing worse than spending $11.50 on a #2 with cheese and bacon, Texas Sized, Unsweet Tea and Large Hawaiin Blizzard only to get your receipt and have a line for a tip! WTF? Really? You are already tossing my salad like a first night inmate at San Quentin and then you want a tip? I feel like saying, "I myself, prefer syrup!" Then you have the awkward moment when they know you are looking at the tip line like what? What did they do? Take my order? It's not like they went out of their way for me, but I am not gonna buckle like some chump being swindled into paying extra because he got the 24 oz. cappuccino instead of the 20 oz. which is what the special was! Hell to the no! NO TIP FOR YOU!

Congrats to the fabulous RVP of the Fiesta Region for kicking ass and earning another trip for us to The Doral in Miami, Bahammas, Cozumel and Grand Cayman! The Thayn-Dugan vacation is ON like Donkey Kong! BOOYA!!!

Todays song comes courtesy of FreeCreditReport.com. I know you guys have heard it, the one where he sings about trying to buy a car, but he can't cause he didn't check his credit report. Hey, asscrack, if you had used free credit report.com you would have just found out you credit sucked MAS SOONER and not embarrased the hell out of yourself. You still would be driving a "used sub-compact". IDIOT! Quit living for your credit report bro. My goal is to have a 0 FICO score. SUCK ON THAT Experian, Equifax or whatever the hell you are called now. Debt sucks ass and if that means I have to drive a beater until I can buy a nicer car for cash, so be it. Hell...San Miguel has seen the cars I have driven in the past. I am not past driving some ass-mobiles man! Remember the '92 Protoge that had the radio stolen 3 times, did not have an AC and leaked like a sieve when it sprinkled rain? Or the '94 Saturn Ghetto Joe affectionatley called DING-DING because it also leaked and when it rained the seatbelt alarm would not shut-off! Then the sweet-ass sweet '84 Bronco II-RIP my friend! Damn thing sprayed oil on any car within 100 ft. of my rear bumper and smelled like 1984! Those were the days...good ole' 2006!! So enjoy singing this pinche jingle all day long and DOWN WITH WHITIE...or at least the Credit Bureau's!!


While I was shoppin for a new car which one's me?
A cool convertible or an SUV?
Too bad I didn't know my credit was wack,
Cuz now im drivin off a lot in a used sub-compact.
F-R-E-E that spells free, Credit Report dot com ba-by.
Saw their ads on my TV, thought about going but was too lazy.
Now instead of lookin fly-n-rollin phat,
My legs are stickin to the vinyl and my posseys gettin laughed at.
F-R-E-E that spells free credit report dot com ba-by.

Backstreet Boys SUCK ASS!!!!

Konichiwa! Ok let me get rite to this because it pissed me off that bad! I apologize in advance for the profanity. F^(k the Backstreet Boys! Thursday night we were watching the Celebrity Apprentice. This has long been one of my favorite shows and we DVR the scapela out of it! Many of you are aware of the premise so I won't go over it. This years has been different though. Celebrities competing for their favorite charities, CHARITIES.....CHARITY pinche Backdoor Boys! Sorry, they are primadona, pretty boy, quimby ass lowlifes!

The two fianlists of this years Apprectice were Piers Morgan from America's Got Talent and Country Music Superstar, Trace Adkins. Mr. Honky Tonk Bodonkadonk. While Piers is a typical Brit he did a fabulous job of raising money for his Charity, Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund. Trace's charity was close to his heart as it was for the The Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis network which deals with food allergies. His 6 year old daughter suffers from Food Allergies. For the final challenge both Trace and Piers had to collaborate to put on a Charity Auction..CHARITY AUCTION Backstreet Bastards! Aight...so Piers agreed to handle the Auction and the Catering and Trace opted to handle the Entertainment, which you may have guessed by now was the Back Street Boys. So during their initial meeting, Trace and the band were going thru the "RIDER" which is basically the list of demands that the band wants backstage. They had to have certain types of bottled water, each had certain types of beer, typical crap which I can understand...MAYBE. Then it gets down to Wheat Grass Juice. Wheat Grass Juice bro? You are not gonna go on because you don't have wheat grass juice? Then, get this, the manager comes up to Trace and says, yeah one of the boys forgot his black finger-nail polish so you need to go buy him some. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Trace's partner in this challenge was Lennox Lewis, former Heavyweight Boxing Champ of the World. So here go 6'7" Trace Adkins and 6'6" Lennox Lewis to the frigging CVS to get this little fruitcake Black finger-nail polish. Come on dude! If that wasn't bad enough. One of these little Baryshnikov's had a little boo-boo on his knee. So they requested that Trace and Lennox go buy him a knee brace. DUDE..WTF? So while Trace was trying to find this knee brace he relayed a story about how his stomach really hurt before a concert. So he went on, performed then went immediately to the ER where he had Emergency Surgery to have 18" of his colon removed! But poor little Howie's knee was sore...AWWWWW. J-O-T-O!!!!

Did these little punks forget that they were here for a CHARITY? When was their last hit anyway? Wheat Grass Juice, Fingernail polish and a knee brace? What a bunch of little ass cracks! I hope this completley kills their "comeback". They came across as total A-HOLES! Nice job guys. I know all the Intrepid Fallen Heroes are really glad you got you fingernail polish man. I am also sure that while Trace's little daughter is worrying about not coming in contact with any peanut butter so she does not swell up and stop breathing, she can rest easier knowing her daddy is rounding up your pinche Wheat Grass! DAMNIT am I wrong to be this pissed? I submit that I am not and they are losers! L-O-S-E-R-S! So my suggestions for the ASOD until further notice..is any damn BSB's song that has ever been recorded! ASS PIRATES man!!!! DAMNIT!!!!

In case I don't see you....Good Afternoon, Good Evening and Good Night!!!!

I want it that way................tell me why, ani't nothing but a LOSER!

-LOC out-

Happy St. Paddy's Day to ya!

Haileo! The last greeting from the 14th was Yugoslovian Albanian, are you guys too lazy to even cheat and as my boy Dane Cook says, "Google that shit"? Today's greeting is apropos to the date. Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone and especially to Mrs. ASOD as she is of the Irish descent(Callaway). Also to the young lad Ryan Calhoun! I wonder if he has any Irish heritage? I know he can put away the Guinness like an Irishman! So in honor of this great day and even though I am Scottish, here are a few Irish Drinking Quote's and proverbs:

1: When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.

When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to Heaven.

So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven.

2: The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch.

3: For every wound, a balm.

For every sorrow, cheer.

For every storm, a calm.

For every thirst, a beer.

4: Here’s to a long life and a merry one.

A quick death and an easy one.

A pretty girl and an honest one.

A cold beer – and another one!

5: It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow,

than to spend tonight like there's no money!

6: May your glass be ever full,

May the roof over your head be always strong,

And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

and my favorite from Frank Sinatra:

"Alcohol might be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemies!"

So speaking of alchohol, maybe little miss Skankhouse..errr Winehouse might want to lay off the Crystal Meth, Crack and Mr. Brownstone and pick up a pint of Guiness instead! Check out these picks of her: http://www.ticket760.com/pages/pp_stsa.html.

After the first 3, you'll have to scroll down past Salma Hayek to see the last one, but after the first 3 you might be too afraid to go farther! DUDE! I have seen 24-year olds lose their teeth, but all of them were on that HBO America Undercover Documentary-"REHAB". A few of them did go on to star in another HBO classic-PIMPS UP, HOES DOWN-"Hey baby, you going ooooout?" Look closely at the second collage of pics-is that her chones or is she baking a loaf? Hard to tell, either way, it's Hookers at the Point NASTY! Hmmmm..HBO fascination with hookers, crack and pimps....sounds like another ASOD rant...........

Enjoy Amy Winehouse's REHAB reverberating in your head all damn day!!

REHAB

by: Amy Winehouse

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no

"Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know

I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine

He's tried to make me go to rehab, I won’t go, go, go

I’d rather be at home with Ray I ain’t got seventy days

'Cause there’s nothing, there's nothing you can teach me

That I can’t learn from Mr. Hathaway

I didn’t get a lot in class

But I know we don’t come in a shot glass

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no"

Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know

I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I’m fine

He's tried to make me go to rehab, I won’t go, go, go

The man said, "Why do you think you here?"

I said, "I got no idea" I’m gonna, I'm gonna lose my baby

So I always keep a bottle near

He said, "I just think you’re depressed"

Kiss me, yeah baby and go rest"

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no"

Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know

I don’t ever wanna drink againI just, ooh, I just need a friend

I’m not gonna spend ten weeks

Have everyone think I’m on the mend And it’s not just my pride

It’s just 'til these tears have dried

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no"

Yes, I've been black and when I come back you'll know, know, know

I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I’m fine

He's tried to make me go to rehab, I won’t go, go, go

2 Years on a Toilet? WTF?

Tungjatjeta, What up yo? Ok, so many of you's guy's may have heard of the woman from Ness City, Kansas who sat on her boyfriends toilet for 2 years. YES-2 Years! Dude..and Mel thought I took a long time on the throne! The quote from the boyfriend was, "I brought her food and water everyday and asked if she was ready to leave the bathroom". She would reply, "Maybe tomorrow". Dude called the police and said he thought there might be something wrong with his girlfriend. REALLY BRO? You think? Either that or it was the mother of all dumps! That is Harper quality stuff right there! Actually, I could see Harper living in the crapper for a year or so. As long as he could watch the Angels kick the crap out of the Yankees I think he would be fine. They said her arse was actually fused to the toilet seat. Dr. Daniel Aries, Director of Dermatology at a Kansas City hospital said, "The skin is very happy to grow around things-that's a natural process". NICE! The possibilities are endless with that one! Come on Harper, I know you can go way longer than 2 years brah!

Allllllllllllllrighty then! Today's tune is that song from the Mac Air-Book commercial. NEW SOUL. It's a pretty cool song, but I have been singing that BEATCH-not BEYOTCH Christmas, for going on 6 hours now! Pinche MAC! I friggin' hate Apple as it is, including iPod's. Enjoy!

NEW SOUL

by:Yael Naim

I'm a new soul,I came to this strange world,

Hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.

But since I came here,Felt the joy and the fear,

Finding myself making every possible mistake.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la... La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

I'm a young soul,In this very strange world,

Hoping I could learn a bit about what is true and fake.

But why all this hate? Try to communicate.

Finding trust and love is not always easy to make.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la... La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

This is a happy end,'Cause you don't understand,

Everything you have done.Why's everything so wrong?

This is a happy end, Come and give me your hand, I'll take your far away.

I'm a new soul,I came to this strange world,

Hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.

But since I came here,Felt the joy and the fear,

Finding myself making every possible mistake.

The new soul,In this very strange world,

Possible mistakes, possible mistakes,

Every possible mistakes,Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes,Mistakes.

So it begins............

Greetings homies! Ok, you guys can post replies to your freaking hearts content here and Steve Whitaker or Ron Logsdon will not complain! I am gonna try this bad boy out, and if it works I will register my own domain name and become official! So, without further adieu, I now begin my first Annoying Song of the Day BLOG!

First I must comment on the hair stylist that cut Connor and Harrison's hair tonight. Hahahaha..I can't even believe this is real. Her name was....Juanita Coonrod! Coonrod, yes I said COONROD! If I did not see it on her certificate, I would not have believed it! Juanita, your last name is a Raccoon Phalus! How great is that? The only thing that would have made it better, is if her name had been Anita instead of Juanita. Classic!

I am sticking with the current theme of Midnight Rope-A-Ho. I may have ranted on this before, but do you know what really cracks me up? It's the goofy dance class people that hang out after dance class is over to "show off" their moves. There is a leader, I am not sure of his name, but it is clear he is their leader! How do I know this you may ask? Why it's his cool black suede flat dance shoes he wears with his way too tight Levi's! That and the Arthur Murray smile that is constantly on his face is how I know. The best is when they actually try to Samba and Tango to Ying Yang Twin's "Shake It Like a Salt Shaker" or Mambo to AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long". It's just not right! Although, he does a mean Foxtrot to "Sexy Back". More power to you bro, but DAMN, do you need the shoes? I am thinking about buying him a Ladies Fashion Belt and a Bedazzler............

Today's song is brought to us by: TACO. Puttin' On The Ritz! I think it pretty much speaks for itself! ENJOY!!!!!!

PUTTIN' ON THE RITZ

by: TACO

If you're blue and you don't know where to go to

why don't you go where fashion sits, Puttin' on the ritz.

Different types who wear a day coat, pants with stripes

and cutaway coat, perfect fits, Puttin' on the ritz.

Dressed up like a million dollar trouper

Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper (super duper)

Come let's mix where Rockefellers walk with sticks

or "umberellas" in their mitts,

Puttin' on the ritz.

Have you seen the well-to-do up and down Park Avenue

On that famous thoroughfare with their noses in the air

High hats and Arrow collars white spats and lots of dollars

Spending every dime for a wonderful time

If you're blue and you don't know where to go to

why don't you go where fashion sits,

Puttin' on the ritz. Puttin' on the ritz. Puttin' on the ritz.