Annoying Song of the Day: November 2008

Greetings and Salutations! It has now been 4 months and 15 days since my last post! I love the speed and efficiency of this Internet thing!! Since my last post not much has happened really. I mean it's not like we elected a raging Radical Socialist to the presidency or something like that!! That would be CRAZY!!!!

So anyway.....I was inspired for today's ASOD by last Monday's trip Offshore for Exxon Mobile to the Galveston 209 Rig. My pilgrimage began @ 9:05 am from Pelican Island, Galveston. I boarded the Seacor Master and was told it would ONLY take 2 hours to go 25 miles. 2 hours....hell I can handle that! After all...I had been on 2 7-Day cruises right? I watch alot of Deadliest Catch! I GOT THIS, I G O T THIS!!! Well.....the sea was angry that day my friends,(a kudos for anyone who can tell me what that line is from)! 7-9 foot seas with 12 foot swells. Basically Hurricane type weather(at least that is what I am sticking with!) For the first 35 to 40 minutes I was fine. Walked around the stern of the boat for a while..went up to the bow, then they told me I could go sit in the Wheelhouse if I wanted. Sure, I am an old Sea Dog at this point! About 45 minutes into it and after about the 2000th wave that hit this 150ft boat...I started turning green and asked where the 'Head' was. So I went downstairs. Here is where the fun began..for the next 3 hours and 15minutes of this supposed 2 hour boat ride I spent my time gently caressing the sink of the bathroom. When I wasn't clinging to the sink like a 2 year old grasping his Mommy in a haunted house, I was clinging to life in the lounge sitting in a booth with a trash can between my legs!

At 10:15 I managed the strength to wrestle my phone out of my jeans pocket and noticed the time..OK only 45 more minutes...I can do this!!! I AM A MAN DAMMIT!! I was sweating like Obama at a Mensa meeting! I am glad I did not eat breakfast that morning..would have been a total waste of money! I kept thinking..there is nothing left in my stomach....where the hell is this stuff coming from? Oh look....a Cheesy Poof! I saw colors coming out of my body that I don't even think Dali would have used in his paintings! I managed another look at my phone about 12:45 and we were still bouncing. By the grace of God we arrived at the platform approximately 1:15ish.....I was told to QUICKLY gather my crap and put on my life preserver. We were herded out onto the deck which was full of about 1 ft of cold seawater and it was pouring down rain. We made our way to the Rescue Basket...YES....RESCUE Basket! We were told to throw our stuff in the center so I did..then I climbed in on top of my stuff. The Crane Operator VERY loudly and sternly advised me to remove myself from the basket and to step onto the outside ring of the basket with one foot and leave the other on the boat deck. WTF? Really? Next thing I know we are roughly 100ft. above the Gulf Of Mexico swinging and swaying away!

We get dumped onto the platform of the rig and escorted into the lounge. I was told to eat some crackers and drink some 7-Up. Riiiiiiiiiiight........that wasn't gonna happen! So here I am..queasy, stomach still feels like I am on the Never ending Zipper ride soaked to the bone and shivering. What a MAN I am! DAMN this is fun! It took about 1 hour for me to acclimate and start feeling better. All the while dreading the boat ride back! This turned out t be no problem at all though as I was given Dramamine and told to focus on a stationary target in the horizon. SHIT I COULD HAVE USED 9 HOURS AGO!!!! Lesson learned. I am not going Deep Sea Fishing anytime soon and next time I need to go to Galveston 209...I think I'll take the Chopper!!

Enjoy today's song!!!!!

SEA CRUISE

by Frankie Ford

Old man rhythm is in my shoes

No use t'sittin' and a'singin' the blues

So be my guest, you got nothin' to lose